The weeks following my last post had been frantic with work. It was stressful, and with enough drama that, had I been faint-hearted, would have done me in. Now that it was over, at least till I get the reviews back from my examiners, I could exhale freely.
The simple act of ‘exhaling’ is not as easy as it sounds. Exhaling that I am talking about here is waiting for things to happen, waiting for your life to take off in the way you want it to be, i.e. only under conditions you think are ‘perfect’. I have been guilty of this. I used to think that I will only do Y, when I am done with doing X. If only I had this, then I could do that etc etc. There’s always something that held me back from living a fulfilling life. I was always holding my breath until the perceived ideal conditions arrived. But they never arrived. And so, I waited and held my breath some more, until I’m blue in the face.
But life doesn’t work that way.
End of 2009, I was so sick I almost died. Since then, I had taken stock of my life, and made life-changing decisions because my old life was not working for me, was not good for me in any way. I might seem like the person who had everything, but deep down I was miserable, and people just couldn’t see past my handbags and shoes – people couldn’t see me for me…people just see what they want to see. Decisions I made were not easy, but I have faith that God wants only great things for me, and if I was stuck, He helped me to get unstuck. So now, I don’t take my life for granted. I try to seize the day. Mundane as my life might be, in the words of John Lennon... Life is what happens to you everyday…be it doing the dishes, grocery-shopping, having lunch, and because of that, I always try to make my everyday means something. I try to make small achievements that count. I now make plans as to what I want to do with my life, knowing that I will now do things to make them happen. I try to be a good person/wife/mom/daughter/sister/friend every day, try to be kind everyday, and above everything else, I try to be happy every day and to love passionately every day. Why? Because life is short; and tomorrow is not promised to anyone. We only have this here and now. No more, no less.
So, if you think you’re waiting for something to happen, remember that you are the one who could make it happen. Don’t hold your breath any more. Exhale. You might just find that it is easier that way.
Happy Chinese New Year, and let’s hope the Year of the Dragon will bring us all prosperity, good health and love, all in great abundance.
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