Alone, but not Lonely.

Hello all!

It's been a while, and I apologise for my tardiness, and it's best if you didn't know the reasons for my long absence from blogging. I apologise again, and the only consolation I have right now is that my blog has had more than 2500 views! Thank you so much for checking me out. 😘😘

I have always been an independent person, always off doing things on my own. I have no reservations about going through my daily life by my lonesome...from doing mundane things like grocery-shopping, up to enjoying the fun things like...well, shopping! 😁 And for the most parts of the last two and a half years, I have tackled most of my daily activities on my own. I of course enjoy catching up with my girlfriends for coffee and cake, and the odd juicy gossip ( or three!), but as we are all very busy people, the chance of regular coffees with good friends is in reality few and far between. I, for once, always try to make time to meet up with my good friends, because, like a marriage, we also have to put in the effort to keep our friendships strong. Women, especially, need friends to keep us sane. 

Of late, my fortune seems to have changed, and I have had the opportunity to meet many new people where I am currently residing, people who are almost in the same situation I am, so we connected well. Since I have been pretty much on my own, the change was much welcome. I now have a few friends to go shopping with, or have lunch, or just chill poolside on a sunny afternoon. And this is where the shocker comes in. Much as I love meeting new people and socialising, I have come to a realisation that I am actually quite happy to be left alone to my own devices. I am just as happy to be a loner, with my own thoughts and self-reflections, to do things that needed doing alone, just me, myself and I. While I do well on a one-to-one basis, when placed in a group, especially in a trio, I notice that I tend to withdraw into myself, and I very much prefer to sit back and observe the other two people. (There goes the threesome fantasy out the window! Hahaha) In group situations, I tend to talk to the person directly next to me, and should somebody else address me, I will have to 'abandon' the person I have been talking to! Most times I would draw the other person into the conversation, and can you imagine how awkward it is when these two people are talking to each other and I am seated right in the middle, quietly tucking into my soup, or dessert, half regretting my ill-advised decision to introduce these two, half wishing the party is over so I could go home! It is always a relief when, after excusing myself from the table to go hide in the bathroom for a looooong time, I came back to the table to find them now seated next to each other. How cosy! Now I can just observe without having to actually participate in the tête-à - tête, I just need to smile or nod my head ( or grunt, whichever is the perceived appropriate response). Given the fact that I am a teacher by training and profession, I find this awfully baffling. I am used to commanding the attention of 20-odd students in any given class, but I don't seem to fare so well in a social setting. I don't know why this is so, considering I am a Leo, and by definition, I should be the life of the party, so I apologize for disappointing my fellow Leos out there, but you know, maybe I am THE one exception to the rule. 

So, after the euphoria of being able to do things with other people is over ( and that took me all of 3 weeks!), I go back to being boring old me - cooped up in my room with my book ( that is a lie - on FB, Twitter or IG,more like! Hahaha) or pushing another KM on the treadmill in the gym ( and no, don't you dare talk to me and break my concentration while I'm running my ass off on the machine!). I much prefer traipsing around all the shops on my own, either spending one minute or one hour in one particular shop, and happy to enjoy a cup of coffee at a street cafe, just watching the world go by.

Maybe my barrier is back up. Maybe I am not ready to make new friends, or maybe it's because I know I'm gonna leave this place soon that I do not have high hopes of forming deep, lasting friendship with anybody at this point in my life. Maybe I miss my good friends back home, and I certainly have a couple of friends who know me inside out, that two good friends who know me and care about me are definitely better than being surrounded by a hundred people who do not know me and do not care much about me. 

I know I sound like a jaded old woman, but I have experienced a bit of life to know which friend uses me, which friend has her/his own agenda, and more importantly, which friend cares about me much more than the whole world put together. 

The point is, just do the thing that makes you happy, and if you're happy doing it with friends, by all means, please do. Me? I am happy to hang out with you, but there will also be times when I am happy to just be on my own, with the 'Do Not Disturb' sign hung outside my door. And if you came bearing pineapple tarts, well, I might just open the door for you. 

Enjoy your weekend. ❤