New Day ( Towards the Sunrise )

I know it is daunting

To let go of things and spaces

That have defined your soul for so long

But they no longer serve the purpose

Of adding onto your happiness

So what exactly are we grieving for here?

I know right now you can't see

The green forest for that one haunting tree

That you have climbed, ran around, and called your own

But it has since grown thorns and cut your heart

And its blooms wither as shadows stand still

So what exactly are we waiting for here?

I know of those countless arguments

That you have tried to reason 

with those voices in your head

 - they don't care, they don't listen

Pointless all - it is yesterday, it has happened

So what exactly are we hanging onto here?

Open your heart, open your eyes

Unclench your fists, and open your hand

And let it fall - let it all float away

And just breathe slowly - go on, and exhale

Those broken dreams - leave them all behind

And just take a step towards the sunrise.

14th September 2013

Jakarta

No Man is an Island.

So many things have happened in my life since my last post; some good, some not so much. What I have learned from them is priceless indeed, and as always, it is a self-realization that teaches me a thing a two about myself. Being away from all things familiar and living my life in such a limited capacity to experiencing the real world per se is by no means easy. I have 'fallen' many times, I am a human being after all. That being said, I have no choice but to get back up, and for now, here are some of the things that help me feel good again.

1) pray - Being a Muslim means I have to pray 5 times a day. Sometimes I feel lazy, but I have come to realise that every time I pray, I feel at peace. Knowing that what happens in my life, big or small, happens for a reason, and that God wants the best for me, and will keep on directing me towards Him. I feel at peace supplicating to Him on my prayer mat, knowing that no challenge is too great when Allah is with me, that He is on my side. Please, God, never abandon me, my family, friends and loved ones, because I need you. We all need you. Amiin!

2) exercise - Having physiological and psychological issues that affect me on a daily basis is a challenge on so many levels. Like a lot of people out there, I find comfort in food, and we all know, it is only a temporary fix. I started exercising again, and I feel good every time, I exercise and sweat it out, which leads me to start taking care of what I put into my body as well. On the plus side, I have now regained my long-lost biceps, though my triceps are still nowhere to be found. I'm nowhere close to making friends with my non-existent six-pack...but in good time,  honey, in good time.

3) Put the music on  - I have also just realized that I had stopped listening to songs! I have quite a collection on my iTunes, and when I'm bored, I just put my music on the speaker and sing along ( or in my case, I hum along... since I don't know the words to all the songs). Music lifts my spirit the way a cupcake does not. But don't listen to sad songs....cos tht somewhat defeats the purpose, am I right? 

4) Connect with people - Of course, only with people I like! Hahaha I used to just keep things to myself ( I'm an artistic person, and we artistic people are always long-suffering poor souls! Hahahaha). But of late, I have found that there's no better way to lift up my spirit than connecting with my family and friends. To tell them about what bothers me, what I like, what I don't like, and to listen to them and their problems, to offer a piece of advice, sympathy, empathy, or to congratulate them on their good news. basically, to show support and to get support. we humans are sociable creatures. I definitely need my friends and my sisters, and as I'm far away from everybody I care about, technology is a great means to connect with the important people in my life. I can connect with my family and friends, and new friends, at almost no cost at all. Emails, SMS, WhatApp, Skype, Kik, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter...and of course the old-fashion way...by (gasps!) phone!! It is fabulous! And through all these social media, I am able to catch up with friends and family back home, and all over the world, which  is absolutely fantabulous! I am ever so grateful to all the people who take the trouble to connect with me and say hi. I really appreciate it. Makes me feel like I am indeed a part of this big world, cos living in this place sometimes makes me feel so far removed from everybody and everything.

So, these are the things that help me every day.  Thank you for reading. Comments are welcome.

Stay Quiet, Demons in My Head

Fade away 

Into yesterday that happened

When the hands struck midnight

And my scar throbs twelve times

Bursting red with questions

That have no answers again today.

Be quiet, don't say a word

For even your silence is poisons

Forced-fed into my gullible mind

Dying of half truths, of lies so brazen

And yet love stays, lingers and listens

And prays there's hope for all that is hurt.

Turn around and take

all your what- ifs and if-onlys

And leave only what is true 

Stay quiet, oh demons in my head

Just fade away into

Nothingness that is you

Perhaps my soul will finally find peace.

Let's lose the weight, and not lose the plot.

My Facebook account has been bombarded by many slimming promotions that are both sponsored and by individuals whose FB posts appear on my page when my FB friends 'like' or comment on their posts. Most of these slimming products and services offer one thing and one thing only - a promise that their products/services can help you lose weight in record time. One even claims to help the user lose up to 10kgs in a month with no need for exercise or watch one's diet. Just drink the pre-prepared shake/juice or apply slimming creams and potions, and voila! Problem solved! Hundreds of people have shown interest by 'liking' and 'commenting' on these posts, all asking for the price of this miracle products, which, by the way, is not cheap.

While I do understand the desperation that drive this belief in such promises of quick fixes, I can't help but feel sad that so many people have fallen for these slimming products/services hook, line and sinker. 

I find this kind of slimming promotions highly misleading because if there is one thing I know...it is that there is NO shortcuts to losing weight and being healthy.   Our body is a sophisticated machine whose sole occupation is to ensure its survival. Losing weight by any means other than exercising and healthy eating could disrupt the body's natural physiological processes and possibly do more harm than good to the body. Any method that promotes losing weight by just drinking pre-prepared shakes/juices alone will make you lose weight fast, but most of the time this is just water weight. What we should strive for is fat-burning, which these products cannot really do. These products work by curbing your appetite so you would eat less, and yes, you will lose the weight, and fast too. However, the body is such that when it senses the reduction of calories, i.e. less food intake, its survival mode will kick in to protect us from what the body perceives to be - thanks to our cavemen ancestors-  a ' famine'! When this happens, all the body will do is to minimise the use of calories in order to keep the body's vital organs functioning.   The first thing to go will be our muscles, because it takes a lot of calories to maintain our muscles ( that is why famine victims are always skin-and-bones because the body eats away at the muscles). So, we will lose our muscles, which are efficient calorie-burning machines and retain all our fat! Ironic, isn't it? That's why when we get off these 'diets' or stop using these products, the weight will come back...and with a vengeance, because now we don't even have muscles to keep burning the calories for us! All we have is fat. 

The key to losing weight healthily depends on how many calories we take in and how many we burn on a daily basis. Everything we eat will eventually be stored as fat, so if we led a sedentary lifestyle, we are definitely going to pile on the weight. That means, the only way we can lose weight is by , yes, you guessed it, exercising and eating healthy. Exercise and healthy diet are also prescribed by medical doctors as a way to prevent illnesses. Got diabetes? Exercise and diet. Got heart problems? Exercise and diet. Stress? Hyper-tension? Yes, the doctors will also ask us to exercise and watch our diet. So, why should it be any different when it comes to losing weight?

We do not put on all the weight in one day. It is a gradual process perpetuated by continuous lack of exercise and poor food choices. If we didn't put it all in one day, then why are we expecting all the weight to go away in one day?

Stop wasting our money on these quick fixes that do not work in the long run, and which could possibly pose serious health problems to us. 

We have to understand our body and the mechanics of losing weight. Exercise and diet are the way to go - no buts about it. Be more active. Walk more. Move more. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Pick up a sport. Make time to exercise. Eat more fruits, vegetables and salads. In this age of internet, we have the information at our finger tips. There are so many health and medical articles out there on how to lose weight the healthy way. Pick and choose what might work for us and our lifestyle.

Let's lose weight the healthy way through exercise and diet, and stop paying hundreds of dollars for a miracle in a box that does not offer us a permanent solution. Respect our body. After all, we only have just the one to last us our lifetime.

Alone, but not Lonely.

Hello all!

It's been a while, and I apologise for my tardiness, and it's best if you didn't know the reasons for my long absence from blogging. I apologise again, and the only consolation I have right now is that my blog has had more than 2500 views! Thank you so much for checking me out. 😘😘

I have always been an independent person, always off doing things on my own. I have no reservations about going through my daily life by my lonesome...from doing mundane things like grocery-shopping, up to enjoying the fun things like...well, shopping! 😁 And for the most parts of the last two and a half years, I have tackled most of my daily activities on my own. I of course enjoy catching up with my girlfriends for coffee and cake, and the odd juicy gossip ( or three!), but as we are all very busy people, the chance of regular coffees with good friends is in reality few and far between. I, for once, always try to make time to meet up with my good friends, because, like a marriage, we also have to put in the effort to keep our friendships strong. Women, especially, need friends to keep us sane. 

Of late, my fortune seems to have changed, and I have had the opportunity to meet many new people where I am currently residing, people who are almost in the same situation I am, so we connected well. Since I have been pretty much on my own, the change was much welcome. I now have a few friends to go shopping with, or have lunch, or just chill poolside on a sunny afternoon. And this is where the shocker comes in. Much as I love meeting new people and socialising, I have come to a realisation that I am actually quite happy to be left alone to my own devices. I am just as happy to be a loner, with my own thoughts and self-reflections, to do things that needed doing alone, just me, myself and I. While I do well on a one-to-one basis, when placed in a group, especially in a trio, I notice that I tend to withdraw into myself, and I very much prefer to sit back and observe the other two people. (There goes the threesome fantasy out the window! Hahaha) In group situations, I tend to talk to the person directly next to me, and should somebody else address me, I will have to 'abandon' the person I have been talking to! Most times I would draw the other person into the conversation, and can you imagine how awkward it is when these two people are talking to each other and I am seated right in the middle, quietly tucking into my soup, or dessert, half regretting my ill-advised decision to introduce these two, half wishing the party is over so I could go home! It is always a relief when, after excusing myself from the table to go hide in the bathroom for a looooong time, I came back to the table to find them now seated next to each other. How cosy! Now I can just observe without having to actually participate in the tête-à - tête, I just need to smile or nod my head ( or grunt, whichever is the perceived appropriate response). Given the fact that I am a teacher by training and profession, I find this awfully baffling. I am used to commanding the attention of 20-odd students in any given class, but I don't seem to fare so well in a social setting. I don't know why this is so, considering I am a Leo, and by definition, I should be the life of the party, so I apologize for disappointing my fellow Leos out there, but you know, maybe I am THE one exception to the rule. 

So, after the euphoria of being able to do things with other people is over ( and that took me all of 3 weeks!), I go back to being boring old me - cooped up in my room with my book ( that is a lie - on FB, Twitter or IG,more like! Hahaha) or pushing another KM on the treadmill in the gym ( and no, don't you dare talk to me and break my concentration while I'm running my ass off on the machine!). I much prefer traipsing around all the shops on my own, either spending one minute or one hour in one particular shop, and happy to enjoy a cup of coffee at a street cafe, just watching the world go by.

Maybe my barrier is back up. Maybe I am not ready to make new friends, or maybe it's because I know I'm gonna leave this place soon that I do not have high hopes of forming deep, lasting friendship with anybody at this point in my life. Maybe I miss my good friends back home, and I certainly have a couple of friends who know me inside out, that two good friends who know me and care about me are definitely better than being surrounded by a hundred people who do not know me and do not care much about me. 

I know I sound like a jaded old woman, but I have experienced a bit of life to know which friend uses me, which friend has her/his own agenda, and more importantly, which friend cares about me much more than the whole world put together. 

The point is, just do the thing that makes you happy, and if you're happy doing it with friends, by all means, please do. Me? I am happy to hang out with you, but there will also be times when I am happy to just be on my own, with the 'Do Not Disturb' sign hung outside my door. And if you came bearing pineapple tarts, well, I might just open the door for you. 

Enjoy your weekend. ❤

The Straws and The Camel

One straw doesn’t break the camel’s back

But it feels the strain

Of the unfamiliar pain.

Two straws don’t break the camel’s back

Its inner strength is summoned

To cope with the burden.

Three straws don’t break the camel’s back

But it begins to question

The futility of the situation.

The last straw doesn’t break the camel’s back

But inside, something shatters

Into a million pieces.

Don't sweat the small stuff

 To those who do not know me, I am a Malaysian who has been living in Indonesia for over six months now, but I have met many characters in my…ehem…young life, as a result of having had the opportunities to live and work in different countries and see a bit of the world.

Dealing with cultures and people that are different from my own is in itself a lesson in self-discovery. A teacher to the core, I have hypothesized much, applied, failed, concluded, and hypothesized again. There is, as the cliché goes, no one-size-fits-all approach to life. You just wake up in the morning, experience life, and voila, you learn something about other people and more importantly, about yourself. Day in. Day out. You learn, and learn, and you learn some more.

I used to let the small things get to me, and let them sap the energy out of me. I got all worked up (and unfortunately I still do) when I was faced with problems that a little common sense could have solved. I cringed when I saw people dressed inappropriately to breakfast buffets, (and yes, I’m talking about you who wear your pajamas!). I seethed inside when I had to repeat myself three times to waiters/waitresses and they still got my order wrong. If looks could kill, the chef who overcooked my sunny side up eggs at breakfast would have died ten times over. I scolded the hotel housekeeping staff who rang the doorbell twice in rapid succession (give me a chance to get to the door, will you?). I heaved audibly painful sighs when the cut fruits in the bowls looked like they were not fit for human consumption. I moaned and complained when the queues at the supermarket were a mile long, when the checkout cashier was slow, when somebody cut in front of me. I flashed resentful looks when people smoked right next to my sun lounger at the pool, etc. etc. etc. Why are these idiots committing all these ‘crimes’ – punishable by death in my book, so god help us all if ever I became a law-enforcement of any kind, I swear to god you’re going down, and you’re going down hard!! How dare you do this to me? Shocking, I tell you. Shocking!!! Don’t you know I am an important hotel guest/ customer / person? I am better than you! My country is better than your country! So I strutted. I seethed! I complained! I looked down! I feigned shock!

I mean, OMG!!! What have I become? A snob, I tell you, a SNOB!! Not classy at all. Na’ah!

On one particularly trying day, a moment of self-reflection hit me smack in my face. I was appalled to realize the way I had behaved and treated people. It wasn't that I felt that I had been grossly mistreated, or that a great injustice has been done, but under the belief that my country-is-better-than-yours; under the guise that I am classier than you, I was in fact being… (gasp!!) a snob!! Yes. Guilty. I hang my head in shame. Granted, these are legit problems, but are they so big that they could not be solved? Could the chef make me another sunny side up? Yes. Could I have had a word with the store manager to open more cashiers? I could. Could I take that lounger over there away from those smokers? Absolutely! These are everyday problems, but they are not big enough to make me whine and seethe all day that I would require a relaxing massage ( or an oxygen mask!). These are nothing. These problems are petty.  A teeny weeny mole hill compared with the real issues people the world over struggle to survive everyday.

So, this new year 2013, I have decided to not sweat the small stuff anymore. However, this doesn’t mean that I will tolerate your rudeness, pettiness and least of all your whines. Far from it. But I want to live my life less encumbered by pettiness. I will take a look, and I will smile. I will be polite and be more patient. I will have a positive attitude. I will smile. I will show compassion. I will show understanding. I will speak more slowly and use a simple language that can be easily understood. I will be more culturally-aware. I will remove myself from annoying situations because I can do that, and because I do have a choice.

I will not sweat the small stuff anymore. Why? Because I have enough big stuff on my plate that warrant all my attention and energy on a daily basis.  So, I will just smile, and nod my head, and I will let the small stuff go.

And right now, that feels really good.

Another Leaf

Yet another leaf falls

Off this tree we have planted

To collect and lay spent

Among layers of leaves

That have fallen before it.

There have been butterflies

And bees, and birds – all full of life

There have been blooms

That scented these rooms

With sparkling glasses we sit watching

The glorious amber, it is setting.

Another leaf, another fall

Another shadow dances on the wall

We dream of kings, of queens of hearts

Of fiery dragons slain by knights

And when the sun rises in the east

Down, down, another leaf will fall.