Ever come across people who are obsessed with knowing what
other people do for a living? When I meet these people for the first time, I swear to
God, they have been placed there by my side to ask me this annoying question
“So, what do you do?” And when I tell
them that I’m ‘not working’ (which in my definition is not drawing a monthly
salary by having a 9-to-5 job in an office somewhere), they will nod their head and give me a sympathetic smile. And after a considerable moment
of awkwardness has passed, they would venture another question, just as annoying and a tad condescending: “So, what do
you do all day?” While I was pleasantly amused by this person’s question, I could
also sense that his curiosity was heavily tinged with the assumption that as
somebody who does not have a 9 to 5 job - a ‘lady of leisure’ if you like - I
would have nothing to do at all, other than beautifying myself all day long.
So, for those who are curious as to what I do all day, here are
some possibilities:
1) I have so much money that I spend my days shopping. I would go into all those designer
boutiques and try on one pretty dress after another. When I have bought the whole
store, I would go to my favourite restaurant and sit down for lunch/tea,
whichever time it is. I would not do shoe-shopping on the same day I do my
clothes-shopping, because to shop for the perfect pair of shoes requires a
stamina for which I have to spend days working out at the gym. Shoe-shopping is
not for the faint-hearted. It is an art. It is a sport. It is my favourite way
to spend my day. Any day.
2) I cook up a storm in my kitchen. I would browse through all my cook
books, and I like nothing better to spend my days than when I’m cooking, baking and
concocting something in my kitchen. If the oven does not explode, then the
cooking has not been successful. And nothing gives me more pleasure than when
my significant other (aka my guinea pig) ooohs
and aaaahs at my culinary skills.
3) I clean the house all day. I would spray and dust and wipe and scrub
and mop and vacuum till my walls are dust-free, and the floors are clean enough
to eat off. In fact, I sometimes casually drop a crumb or two so that I can
lick it off my shiny floors. Yes, I'm that confident in my cleaning abilities because I clean with a passion. The bane of my existence is when I discover a
teeny weeny fluff in the far corner under the bed. That really gets me. I would not be happy until that fluff is swept out from under its hiding place, and it will not make the mistake of lodging itself there again, mark my word.
4) I go to the spa everyday. I would start my day with getting a
massage from head to toe, and finish off with a facial so pampering I'd doze off. Then I'd drop in at my favourite hairsalon to pamper my hair with an expensive and luxuriating hair treatment and share a gossip or two with the hairdresser. While I’m getting my
hair done, I would also have a mani pedi done at the same time, you know, killing two
birds with one stone, and if you had to ask what a mani and pedi is, poor you,
but I don’t think I’d want to be your friend. Yes, that’s what I do all day.
How do you think I manage to look immaculately put together like this every day?
5) I watch TV all day. From the moment I wake up till it’s
bedtime again, I would be in front of the TV, either sitting up, lying down,
upside down…I find them all comfortable, although lying down on the sofa with
my slave (yes, in order to do this all day, you will need a slave who will do
all the housework for you, otherwise, no hope!) feeding me a bunch of grapes is
my preferred method of TV-watching. I would watch everything…CSI, E!, Cartoon…or
those Malay movies with titles like Hantu Dalam Botol Kicap, the more
outlandish the titles, the more I would want to watch them. I like to watch the
reality TV the best…Kim Kardashian, Housewives of God-knows-where, Jersey Shore
Are you still with me? Good. Because I’m not done yet, with what I do for a living, or what I do all day.
For all you know, I could be anything. And that’s the beauty of
it! I could actually be anything! I could be the internet billionaire who has
enough money to last my family for generations to come. I could be a
pole-dancer and I practice all day on the pole I’ve set up in my bedroom. I
could be a secret agent for the government with the license to kill. And now
that I have told you this, I would have no choice but to kill you and make it
look like an accident.
The point is…it is really no one’s business how you and I spend
our days. And to the man who had asked me what I do all day, this is what I
told him: “I spend my days knitting!” :D
Comments are welcome.
No comments:
Post a Comment