Waiting to Exhale

Hello all!

The weeks following my last post had been frantic with work. It was stressful, and with enough drama that, had I been faint-hearted, would have done me in. Now that it was over, at least till I get the reviews back from my examiners, I could exhale freely.

The simple act of ‘exhaling’ is not as easy as it sounds. Exhaling that I am talking about here is waiting for things to happen, waiting for your life to take off in the way you want it to be, i.e. only under conditions you think are ‘perfect’. I have been guilty of this. I used to think that I will only do Y, when I am done with doing X. If only I had this, then I could do that etc etc. There’s always something that held me back from living a fulfilling life. I was always holding my breath until the perceived ideal conditions arrived. But they never arrived. And so, I waited and held my breath some more, until I’m blue in the face.

But life doesn’t work that way.

End of 2009, I was so sick I almost died. Since then, I had taken stock of my life, and made life-changing decisions because my old life was not working for me, was not good for me in any way. I might seem like the person who had everything, but deep down I was miserable, and people just couldn’t see past my handbags and shoes – people couldn’t see me for me…people just see what they want to see. Decisions I made were not easy, but I have faith that God wants only great things for me, and if I was stuck, He helped me to get unstuck. So now, I don’t take my life for granted. I try to seize the day. Mundane as my life might be, in the words of John Lennon... Life is what happens to you everyday…be it doing the dishes, grocery-shopping, having lunch, and because of that, I always try to make my everyday means something. I try to make small achievements that count. I now make plans as to what I want to do with my life, knowing that I will now do things to make them happen. I try to be a good person/wife/mom/daughter/sister/friend every day, try to be kind everyday, and above everything else, I try to be happy every day and to love passionately every day. Why? Because life is short; and tomorrow is not promised to anyone. We only have this here and now. No more, no less.

So, if you think you’re waiting for something to happen, remember that you are the one who could make it happen. Don’t hold your breath any more. Exhale. You might just find that it is easier that way.

Happy Chinese New Year, and let’s hope the Year of the Dragon will bring us all prosperity, good health and love, all in great abundance.

It's 2012!

Hello all!

It's 2012! Well, I know this is late, and it's already the 6th day of 2012, but I hope your new year celebrations have been grand. Mine was ushered in on a beach somewhere up north of Malaysia, and it was good because it had a meaning, and changed the way things characterized all of my 2011.

Talking about new year, we have to talk about our resolution for 2012. What is yours? Is it to be a better person/mom/father/husband/wife/sister/daughter/son/teacher/student/
neighbour/worker/boss? Is it to lose those 5,10, 15 kgs? Is it to find the love of your life? Pass your exam? To pray more, and party less? To save more, and spend less? To be healthy? To enjoy life more? To not take yourself too seriously? To take yourself seriously? To make amends? To forgive? To forget? To let go? To heal? To be punctual? To be kinder to the dog? To be more patient? To not be a maniac on the road? To resist that cupcake? To....well, there are too many things that we tell ourselves to do when the new year comes along that it can be overwhelming.

The main thing is...we can do all that- one step at a time. Let's start small. With baby steps. Until we are confident enough to do more, each time at a pace that is comfortable to us. Sudden changes could be a shock to our system/family/co-workers/dog anyway. Keeping the resolution is demanding, it needs discipline (discipline I still find so elusive, especially when it involves a piece of cake!) So, instead of going for a full on sprint, start by going for a short walk. Instead of saying 'No' to a slice of cake, have a couple of forkfuls. Want to be more charitable? Start by smiling at somebody. Don't feel like the sunshine today? Try not to 'rain' on someone else's good morning either. That driver cut you off? Don't honk at him till kingdom come...just curse at him silently, and sing to that song on the radio while you're doing it.

While we do have good intentions to do all these things right, 'bad' things do happen to put a damper on our resolution. Insecure spouses might sabotage our dieting resolution by bringing home our favourite cakes. Or it starts raining cats and dogs complete with thunder and lightning as soon as we want to head out for a jog. Or the dog has taken ill and needs to be taken to the vet. Or the boss has been shouting at you all day you feel like you need to shout at somebody...maybe your wife/husband/children when you get home. Or you're suffering from PMS, and cake seems to be the only solution...So what do we do?

We have to remember that we are human, after all, and the best thing about being human is that, we don't have to be perfect...because we know we humans are flawed...and for a good reason, and that reason is...it is OK if we fell by the wayside from time to time, as long as we know we have to get back on the bandwagon, and that it is no great tragedy if we did have that cake, or lost the plot from time to time. We are not robots. We are people with feelings and we are fallible - we just need a little more practice to perfect the art of being imperfect. 

So, this 2012...good luck with your resolution, if you have one. Now I will end this piece. There's a carrot cake with my name on it. :D